I just wanted to share some of the thoughts I’ve had today. Some of it is from Facebook statuses I’ve written, other parts are just things I feel that I wanted to share. I will apologize ahead of time because the first part has some profanity in it. I try so hard not to use profanity but it really is a bad habit that has been so hard to even cut down on. I’m working on it tho. I do feel strongly that it expresses exactly how I was feeling at the time tho and so I’ve chosen not to edit it out.

It’s been three years of shit, hell, and regrets but you know what they say, regrets and mistakes, they’re just memories made! Each day is a chance to keep going, push through. And I have to believe that someday, somehow, things WILL be better than this because we are the kind of people who don’t give up. We may sure as hell want to give up, walk away, move on, cry, but we don’t. We push through. And somehow what we find is always worth what we go through to find it. Somehow those little spots of sunshine in the endless downpour of shit are just so full of happiness and warmth, they make it all worth it. I am so thankful to my husband for all he has done for me, given up for me, and gone through with me. Sure I put up with a lot of shit from him but that’s because he also puts up with shit from me and because when I said I would stand by him I sure as hell meant it. I’m so thankful he gave me my wonderful son, the brightest part of my world, and I am beyond anxiously awaiting the arrival of our next little love, be it a daughter or a son. We were never promised easy, we were promised worth it. And somehow the shit we go through makes me feel like each little ray of happiness we get, however brief or small, well kind of like we earned it, and that makes the good times SO much more worth it!

We are so very far from where we thought we would be, where we hoped to be, and where we want to be. Yet I can’t think of a better place to be than with Cody, Kaiden, and Slytherin, awaiting the newest member of our family. I know that G-d has not forsaken or forgotten about us and I know that he knows we are here and that we are relying on him. I am so grateful for this opportunity to relearn the power of prayer and faith that G-d is paying attention and takes care of his children. I’m not a super religious person but I know that we couldn’t have gotten through half the things we have without G-d providing and opening opportunities for us. He places people in our lives who are such help and provides us with lucky blessings small and big everywhere, it’s so impossible to deny that he obviously cares for us. I am also so thankful that we have the chance to learn things like the value of savings, the importance of sticking together, and much more. The situation might suck but the experiences and lessons we are learing from it are so invaluable. I cannot wait to be standing on the other side of this situation and I cannot wait until we are back on our feet and can help and serve others! To pass on even a fraction of the help we have been given, the love and care we have been shown, will make me so happy!


3rd anniversaries and doggy birthdays…

Posted: February 17, 2012 in Family

So today was a special day in the Cannon household. First off, it was mine and Cody’s 3rd anniversary! We have officially been married for three years! Secondly, it was our dog, Slytherin’s 1st birthday! When I went to look at puppies I looked at him and was on the fence. I wanted him but I just was not sure. Well the lady told me his birthday was Feb. 16th and I knew he was ours and was meant to be ours. As I look at him dose I am so happy we got him. He is a crazy mutt with so much energy and sometimes I seriously dislike the dang dog but I really do love him with all my heart. I can’t imagine us not having him!

We had a nice anniversary! It started out horribly, I’ve been having VERY intense, VERY painful false labor. Early this morning Cody and I realized that after a while of tracking my every contraction they had been 5 mins apart for 5 hours! I had been trying EVERYTHING, switching positions, walking, a labor ball, rocking in my MIL’s rocking chair, getting up and moving, laying down still, sitting, standing, leaning, a bath, hot shower, all sorts of stuff! And still it raged on. I won’t lie I knew it was false but still had a moment of panic. I called my doctor and headed in. Of course after we got through the canyon, which takes about 20 mins or so, I realized that if this was labor it would’ve gotten closer together or the contractions would’ve at least gotten longer. We decided to head home and try to get some rest because I knew I wouldn’t be able to rest in the hospital and that would probably just make the pain worse. I have to say my husband took great care of me. He was very careful to not complain about me keeping him up, he rubbed my back and stopped touching me when I yelled! I was able to get some sleep but kept waking up for contractions. Finally about 7 or 8 am I was able to get to sleep and stay asleep. When I woke up at 9 or 10 the contractions had stopped. In their place I was left very exhausted with a tender, sore belly, and baby kicks that felt like razor blades. I tried hard to take it easy the rest of the day but we had a lot to do! My dad sent us money to buy a rocker and I was able to purchase a nice used glider that is beautiful for less than half what I would’ve paid for a new one and we picked up some other things we really needed.

Now to the fun, exciting part! What we did for our anniversary! We weren’t planning on doing anything because money is still so tight right now. Cody just started a job and it pays a lot less than they originally told him and is pretty far away, like he uses a quarter of a tank of gas and sometimes more just getting back and forth to work EACH DAY. He won’t even receive a paycheck till the beginning of next month and savings is pretty non existant. I will say we are SO thankful that he has ANY job! This is a good job he actually likes, it’s just rough that it is so far away. The pay is better than nothing and I am grateful every day that he is willing to deal with swing shifts to provide for us! He really is working hard to provide and it makes me love him even more. =] I want to also take a second to stress that we are SO grateful to be able to be living with his parents in Utah. I do not know what we would have done or how we would’ve survived without their kindness. I don’t know how they put up with all the noise and commotion of our little crazy family with our silly mutt, ridiculous toddler, cranky pregnant lady, and Cody! We would literally be homeless right now if not for them and I don’t know how we will ever repay them for everything they have done and continue to do for us! So anyway because money is so tight we’d decided not to buy each other gifts this valentines day and anniversary, and to not do anything for them. Well we remembered this morning that for my birthday back in December Cody’s parents bought us two movie tickets! I will tell you I LOVE going to see movies in theaters. Seriously LOVE. I used to do it every week back in high school, sometimes more than once a week. It’s my favorite. Cody doesn’t care so much about movies but he doesn’t mind them. I have been wanting to see Journey 2 the Mysterious Island with the rock. It’s a sequel to Journey to the Center of the Earth! Which I loved! Cody’s mom and siblings were kind enough to watch Kaiden for us. He had a great time and I love that I really don’t worry about him while he’s with them. It’s so nice to have family whom I can trust with my child and who are willing to take him on since he can really be a challenge lately. Anyway we had a blast getting out of the house. We saw the movie and afterwards we played some pinball. Pinball was super fun and I totally kicked Cody’s tuchas! It was Tron themed and it felt like no time at all before we were headed home. I think we spent something like $10 or so on everything and it was so worth it. I haven’t just relaxed and had FUN with my husband, no bills, no stress, no kids, nothing, for a long long time and it really did both of us good.

Now that our anniversary is over I’m ready for this kiddo to come! I wanted to give birth on Valentine’s day or even the 15th but not the 16th! That’s a day I wanted to keep for ourselves. Well and Slytherin too! It feels good to be done with all the important things that come in Feb! I’m ready for March and the new baby it will bring. I cannot wait to meet this little one and share him or her with the world!

Thank you so much everyone for all your thoughts and prayers! We appreciate each and every one! I assure you we are being blessed in so many ways, big and small, by so many family members, friends, and G-d. I do not know how we have survived thus far except I know it’s mostly due to our great support system and our awesome G-d. We are so blessed to have what we have, to be together, and to have the kinds of friends and family we do. We don’t know what we would do without each and every one of you. We are trying to stay positive, although sometimes it’s much easier than others, and trying to do the best with what we have, where we have, and to the best we know how. We would love to continue to receive your prayers and positive thoughts! Thank you! Although things are tough we know they will get better and that they could be so much worse. We are working hard to do what we can to make the best of this entire situation and just keep on keeping on. ❤

Things I Love About Living With Family

Posted: January 4, 2012 in Family

Today I have been very depressed. I’ve struggled since finding out we were moving to Utah with feeling quite inadequate, and just down about living with and relying on family. I want to have our own space again, and get to spend more time alone as a little family. I never realized how much I took that for granted, that we had plenty of time together just the three of us. Now I treasure every little bit of that sort of time we get, especially since the baby coming in March means it will never be just the three of us again, whether it’s watching a movie while the rest of the family is in church with my sick toddler cuddled on my lap, or a trip into town to get free Chick-Fil-A, even a trip to walmart gets me excited because it’s time spent as a little family unit. Don’t get me wrong I love when hubby and I get to go out alone, and I love being around the family most of the time, but it’s hard being around them ALL the time. Not because they’re difficult people or anything (We all know I’m the difficult one to be around!), but because it’s not what I’m used to. I grew up mostly as an only child and was never allowed to have friends over so I have always had my own space and time to myself. But this evening I decided I have got to quit being so negative and focusing on how badly relying on the family for help makes me feel and the challenging parts of living with them and start focusing on the positive aspects and being grateful for all they have done for us and are doing for us right now!

So because I love lists, here is a list of things I’m grateful for and that I love about living with the family! (In no particular order!)

  • Learning new amazing recipes! Just the other day I was flipping through cook books with my mother-in-law when we came across a delicious looking potato recipe. I begged her to make it for us and went to get the ingredients. You have NO idea how delicious these potatoes were! They’re just beyond amazing. I never would’ve discovered that recipe and she probably wouldn’t have found it anytime soon either, so we both won, but I am SO excited about making it when we are out on our own again because I know it’s something my husband and I both love!
  • Kaiden having people to play with! He still needs to meet some kids his age but he LOVES building with his Lego duplos with Aunt Jenny, running around with Aunt Alina, playing in empty boxes with Aunt Shanna, etc! It’s nice not needing a ton of toys to occupy his time because he’s so into playing with them!
  • Having a place to stay. This is the thing I’m MOST grateful for! I really do not know what we would do without Cody’s parents. We would probably be literally homeless right now. I am VERY thankful to have a roof over our head!
  • A fenced in back yard. Yeah we had one before, and no we didn’t actually take it for granted (heck, we were paying $35 a month for it!) but we are so happy that we have one now! We could be living in a hotel, apartment, etc that doesn’t allow dogs or that doesn’t have a fenced in yard. I can’t imagine how difficult that would be for our dog and us!
  • Being able to keep our dog. Slytherin is the best puppy in the world. He will turn 1 on our anniversary, Feb. 16th. He is such a special puppy and he brings so much happiness and companionship to Cody, Kaiden and I. We really do love and cherish him, even though we get annoyed at him a lot! I do not know what we would’ve done if we had to give him up when we moved. He’s a great playmate for Kaiden and a good protector as well. Right now he’s sick and we are hoping and praying he gets better soon as well as taking him to the vet (which is really hard on us because the money is having to come out of savings, but it’s important he get taken care of!) so we are extra thankful to have him with us and that he is such an awesome puppy! We love him so much!
  • The playground. There is a city park just outside the fence in the back yard. There’s a big field with lots of room to run, jump, and play, as well as a little playground Kaiden adores. I try to take him every other day or so. It’s got stairs, a few different kind of slides, and some other stuff you can climb up. Nothing fancy, but I’m not complaining! He loves to climb up to the top of it and look over to the field full of cows next door and scream “Moo cows! Get on the ship! Mooooo!” at them. (From Phineas and Ferb!) I love seeing my baby so happy to climb and run and play! It’s very inspiring because when we left Oklahoma he still couldn’t pull himself up and climb at all. He still needs A LOT of help from me but he’s working so very hard and getting so much stronger, it’s very inspiring to watch!
  • We are all together! This one is huge. Our family could’ve been split by all that has happened. This really could’ve destroyed our marriage and our family unit but instead it’s brought us closer together and given us so much more to be grateful for. We are so happy that we are together in one place and that we still have one another. I cannot put into words how huge this is. Home is wherever I’m with my husband, son, and puppy love! Therefore I am home! ❤

There are a lot more but I don’t want to make this post TOO long! I am going to keep trying my hardest to focus on the positives. Right now not much is going on, Cody is still trying to find a job, I’m working at establishing my scentsy business here in Utah (which is hard because I don’t really know anyone and we hardly go out except job hunting or to the store) and Kaiden is just playing, learning, and growing! We’re in the process of applying for insurance aid so I can get some prenatal care, I haven’t had any since leaving Oklahoma almost three weeks ago. Other than that not much. Hopefully Cody finds a job soon. We greatly appreciate everyone’s thoughts and prayers, and all the encouraging words we have received. We really are so thankful that things are not worse, as we know they could be. We still really miss the Army and Cody is looking forward to trying to rejoin when his six months is up, but we do not miss Fort Sill! We are so grateful to be out of there! We’re slowly but surly adjusting with the help and patience of our family and friends to real life. It’s difficult but each day is a day closer to normalcy and getting through this all! I figure if we keep moving forward eventually we’ll get to wherever we need to be! One day we’ll have our own place to live again, with our own yard, and we’ll be a happy little family once again, just my husband, myself, our son, the new baby, and Slytherin the puppy. 🙂 Until then I’m going to enjoy every second of the journey,  be grateful for all that we have, especially the fact we are together still, look for ways to bless others, focus on the positive instead of the negative, and enjoy the perks and positives that come with being near supportive family!

Living, Learing, and Loving!

Posted: January 1, 2012 in Family

Where do I start? I used to have another blog all about our little family and the Army life we were living. Now my husband is no longer in the Army and I felt it was important to completely start fresh. With our lives, our blog, everything. So here I am. From Army Wife to Real Life! I never really considered myself an “Army Wife” as much as Cody’s wife alongside him on an incredible roller coaster journey they call Army Life. Well now I find myself in a small town in Utah, living with my in laws, raising my son, being married to my husband, and expecting a second baby in March! This has been and continues to be such a difficult experience for all of us. My husband is still looking for a job, I am now 29 weeks pregnant with no insurance and for the time being, no prenatal care, my son is having problems adjusting, and we went from a 3 bedroom, 1,024 sq. ft. house in the middle of a horrible town and horrible Army Post under horrible leadership, my husband under enormous amounts of stress, and very alone, to a basement bedroom for the three of us, our dog, and the new baby on the way in a beautiful, quiet, relaxing town in Utah surrounded by family we adore. This holiday season was the first we’ve been able to spend with family since we got married almost three short years ago. We are so very far from where we expected to be, but I wouldn’t have it any other way because this experience has taught and is teaching us so much and while we are busy living, learning, and loving, we’re rediscovering what matters most!

Things are very bleak but I am trying so hard to focus on the positives. We really are so blessed and we are so thankful for all those many blessings that continually come our way. We are so grateful that we have a place to live with family who love us, and most importantly, we are all together. Some people would wonder how we can be so optimistic when we don’t have our own place to stay, no jobs, etc. I ask how can we not? We have been given much. We have made it through so many trials, so many things I honestly thought we wouldn’t survive and we have not only survived, but learned so much, and we’re still here, still standing, together, a family undivided, still fighting because we have something worth fighting for.