I will do what I can with what we have where we are.

Posted: February 21, 2012 in Uncategorized

That’s my new motto. Do what you can with what you have where you are. That’s my plan. Right now we have nothing. I don’t even know how we’re going to put gas in the tank to get Cody to work tomorrow. He has yet to get paid and won’t for a couple of weeks, but in the meantime we are paying SO much for gas JUST to get him back and forth to work. It’s so not worth it. I’m POSITIVE we are spending more in gas than he will be making. Today he had an interview at a place MUCH closer that pays almost $4 an hour more and it’s something he’s got experience in although not as much as they’d like I think. We are hoping and praying he gets that job. It would be so much better for our family! It would mean we would be able to afford gas, pay all our bills, buy diapers, etc. It may even mean getting an apartment of our own again! But that’s too big, I don’t dare dream about that yet. Right now I’m focusing on ways to bring in more money. It’s kind of hard when you’re due any day. Of course no one will hire me. I’m looking for odd jobs for either myself to do or for Cody. I’m really trying to grow my Scentsy business and get my name and contact info out there in the area but it’s not turning up any sales. I’m trying so so hard, I really am. I’m at my wit’s end tho. I can start applying for jobs once the baby is 6 to 8 weeks old of course, but it’s going to be hard-working around Cody’s swing shift because we only have one car. Idk. There are a lot of things to consider and it seems planning is pointless because life never goes according to plan, so it’s just a wait and see kind of thing. You would think Cody’s time in the Army would prepare me for that sort of hurry up and wait situation but it hasn’t. It never gets easier, not being in control, not being secure, not being on top, not knowing what is going to happen. uncertainty is kind of the worse part of everything we are going through. Not knowing the when where what how who why of things is really difficult for me. I wish I knew what all to do to help our little family get back on top, I really did. But here is what I do know:

1. It could be worse. So much worse. At least we are together.

2. I have to pray. I’ve been praying so hard and you better believe I won’t quit.

3. I have to trust that G-d is going to take care of us like he always does. I have to continue on in faith.

4. I have to keep going. We have to keep going. There is no giving up, quitting, surrendering. There is nothing like that. We can’t get through the storm if we just sit down when it starts raining, right?

5. Things will be better eventually. I sure wish I knew when eventually was. I wish I could mark it on a calendar and say “on this day, we will be over this. We will have gotten through, we will be back on top, we won’t have to be up all night worrying and panicking.” I wish I knew those sorts of things.

That’s all I know. I swear we will get through this all because we are determined to. We’re determined to eventually get back on our damn feet and take care of ourselves and our children 100%. Meanwhile I’m trying to make the best of everything and be positive. I’m so thankful for not the trials themselves that we’re being faced with, but for the lessons we are slowly but surly learning from them. We’re learning to appreciate the most basic things like seeing each other every day, being able to watch our son grow up, having a family who loves us, friends who support us, etc. We are learning the power of prayer and faith first hand. I’ll be the first to admit I am not very religious, or sure of religion, or anything like that, but I know there is a G-d. I know for a fact because there has been SO much lately that shouldn’t have worked out where we could for sure see his hand at work protecting us and providing for us. The only reason we’ve made it this far is because of Him. I hate relying on family but I don’t know what we would do without them. They don’t help us pay our bills but they sure as heck do feed us, shelter us, and give us love and support we can’t find anywhere else. We’re learning and experiencing so much and I am so glad that we are getting it out-of-the-way now! Now onto better things and better times! So yeah things suck right now. Yeah, we’re under a hell of a lot of pressure. But we will continue on. We will do what we can with what we have where we are till we can put ourselves in a better place and do more. I can’t wait till we are in a position to help others more. This has really been tough on me, accepting help, even in the simplest form. Even the smallest help has been hard because I like to rely on ourselves even when things are extremely tough. I LOVE helping and serving. I so wish I could be doing more to help others right now, to help myin-laws, to help my friends, to help strangers. I can’t wait till we are in that sort of position!

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