Why I’ve been so busy

Posted: May 4, 2012 in Uncategorized

So I realize I haven’t been sharing enough of our new son’s life, or of Kaiden’s journey to being three, or our lives in general. I know I’ve been absent and quiet and I’m sorry. But here’s why I’ve been so busy. Currently I am:


  • Working Part-Time in the deli at the local supermarket
  • A full-time mom to a newborn and 3 year old!
  • Nursing almost exclusivly
  • Helping Cody look for a job full-time [I seriously spend 3-8 hours a day AT LEAST on this EVERY day. Sometimes less sometimes more but it averages 3-5 hours]
  • keeping Cody’s resume updated constantly
  • Constantly asking around and keeping an eye and ear out for jobs
  • Fighting thrush that my son and I both have
  • Trying to pick up as many extra hours as possible at work
  • Trying to get rid of as much debt and keep as many bills paid as possible. Which is pretty much impossible. But I’m trying.
  • Trying to take pictures and record memories of Niam’s first weeks [he just turned 7 weeks and already I’m sad at how much he’s growing, changing, and how much the time has flown!] and Kaiden’s third year.
  • Stressing beyond belief.
  • Working on Cody’s VA claim
  • Somehow staying showered and getting a little bit of sleep here and there!

So that’s where I’ve been. That’s where we are. That’s what is happening. Our lives are consumed with trying to better our situation and enjoy our children. There’s no time or energy or strength for anything else.

Today we traded our 2011 Equinox we got when we found out we were pregnant with Niam. We got a 1998 Toyota Camery. It’s not a great car but it will get us around. It’s got a ton of miles on it so I’m thinking it may last us a year or two if we’re lucky, but it fits us and it gets good gas milage and it means we do not have a $3o0 payment looming over us each month. I kind of wish we would’ve done it sooner. But at the same time I’m really missing the equinox. Oh well. One day we’ll be back on our feet in our own house and we’ll be able to get a nice newer car again. Until then I’m just happy we aren’t getting the Equinox reposessed.

Things have been crazy at work and I’m doing great selling tons. I’m making lots of friends too. It’s been really difficult leaving Niam and Kaiden even if it’s only a few hours here and there and they’re with their daddy. I’m just happy to have a job right now since Cody lost his. I jknow I’ll never be able to actually provide for us but at least I can buy us diapers!

We could really use everyone’s thoughts and prayers more than ever! Things are at an all time low for us, even worse than when he first left the Army. He’s going through a lot and we are really struggling just to survive. If it wasn’t for our wonderful family and amazing friends I don’t want to imagine what life would be like or where we would be. So many people have helped us and are helping us, everything from gifting diapers to us to just praying for us. I am so thankful that we have such amazing people in our lives, we really are very blessed. Things could be so much worse and we are so thankful for what we do have, the people, a warm home, a big room, encouraging words, the experiance and certifications my husband does have, food to eat, water to drink, two beautiful strong little men, and I could keep going on and on. We truely are blessed and we remember it each and every day. It’s funny that things had to get so bad for us to realize all we have and be beyond thankful for it all. ❤


I know it’s taken me forever to write this but you will not believe how busy we have been the first week and a half of little Niam’s life. My recovery this time around has been nothing short of hell. I am finally starting to feel a little back to normal and I think it’s time to at least briefly introduce our newest addition! I would write the birth story but I feel it is kind of traumatic and I do not want to discourage others or scare those who may be going to have a baby anytime soon, especially by C-Section. It will suffice to say Delivery did not go at all as planned, despite being a planned C-Section for breech. It was a VERY difficult delivery for everyone involved but especially me and the recovery has been at least twice as difficult as with my first son’s emergency C-Section. But I will say everything that went wrong probably had a reason behind it and in the end it doesn’t matter because I got my little guy out healthy and happy. Things happen but I know my birth experience isn’t the norm. In the end I don’t ever want to have another C-Section again but as it’s not possible for me to have kids any other way I most likely will not be having anymore children. I plan to reevaluate in 5 or so years but I’m pretty positive we are done, especially as we have yet to see what delays etc Niam may have. So far it looks like he’s healthy and doesn’t have any of the health problems his older brother has or had which is so good and so much more than I could’ve hoped for!

Now on to the good stuff!!!

Niam Kenneth was born nameless and soundless at 8.08 AM Tuesday the 13th of March, 2012 by repeat C-Section. He weighed 8 lbs 2 oz and was 19 inches long. The first thing I heard about him was “It’s a boy and he’s peeing all over you!” Not something you want to hear when you’re opened up on the operating table but the Dr assures me they cleaned me up well. The second thing I heard was “Butt first!” The Dr in charge of my pain called the time at 8.07 but my OB said “No no, not yet, he’s stuck” They got him out with a lot of pushing, wiggling ,etc and what I heard next made me so glad I had gone with a C-Section. I knew there was a reason he had turned breach at the last moment… the doctor announced that his cord was wrapped, and not loosely, around his neck. He came out at 8.08 right before it turned 8.09. They took him to another room where they got him stable and then allowed Cody into the room with him. He came out beaming and holding our precious little boy.

Niam has been nothing but a joy and a blessing since the moment he came into our lives that morning. Nights have been rough but we’re getting through it and doing our best to cherish each and every moment as we know all too well from Kaiden, babies grow up just too fast! Soon we’ll have two big boys on our hands! Every day I thank G-d for allowing us to wake up and allowing us another day to parent both Kaiden and Niam. We are so blessed to have them in our lives and we don’t know what we would do without them, they are true joys and inspirations. Niam has been doing very well, he’s spit up exactly once since birth and has a huge appetite. He has his first check up wed the 28th and he lost his umbilical cord at 10 days old!



And now for the news!

Posted: March 1, 2012 in Uncategorized

Ah the news! What’s happening in our life? Well I’ll tell you! First and most importantly:

The baby is coming! The baby is coming! That’s right. The littlest Cannon will be making his or her appearance on Tuesday the 13th. This entire pregnancy I have been gearing up for a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarian) I looked forward to going as natural as possible. Things were looking great, the baby was healthy and measuring the right size, although with a large head (Have you seen Cody and Kaiden’s heads though? 🙂 She or He was engaged and I had started to dilate and efface. Things were looking good to have a baby soon! Then at a routine appointment I found out that the baby was breech. While there is still some hope that he/she will turn, we have a Repeat C-Section scheduled for the morning of the 13th. So if all goes well we will be able to meet this new little one and find out once and for all if it is a girl or a boy! I’m thinking it’s a boy although if I had to go off gut feelings and disregard all the ultrasounds I’d have to say girl. We will see though! We have our girl’s name picked out and are trying hard to find a boy’s name. We have a few contenders so we may just pick once we see the little guy, if in fact it is a guy!

Meanwhile we are waiting for a call back from an Army National Guard/Reservist recruiter who contacted Cody the other day by snail mail about joining. The benefits are great and Cody may even qualify for a small bonus and reclass! She said in her letter that full-time positions with the guard may even be available which would of course be his first choice. I believe he can join with them before his six months is over in which he can try to get back in the Army. There are of course no guarantees to him getting in the Guard, the Army, the Air Force, anything, even if/when he gets his discharge upgraded from a 2 to a 1, but from what I understand because he already has his clearance and some EOD training, as well as amazing ASVAB scores, he’s a better re-enlistment candidate than most. We will see! We are so hoping and praying that this works out because besides the benefits (which are much different from the regular Army if I’m correct) and the little bit of extra money each month, we really think it would be good for Cody. Since leaving the Army he’s been kind of depressed. Not non functioning depression or anything, just blue. He really misses the Army, all it gave us, and all it gave him. He misses his buddies, doing work he loved (well, ok, he hated his MOS, but he loved the rest) etc. So I think it would be really good for him to get back to the military life, even if just for a weekend each month. Hopefully he could leave his Artillery MOS far behind as well!

Cody is still working as a security guard, he’s fully licensed in the state of Utah now and I am so proud of him! The training was unpaid and it was really rough on our savings (which at this point is non existant!) for him to be driving back and forth to SLC each day for training and not getting paid for it, but he’s finally licensed and getting a paycheck. It’s still really difficult because his job is an hour to an hour and a half drive away and with gas prices pushing $3.50 a gallon we really are spending most of what he’s making on gas. The job doesn’t pay as much as he was told it would, and instead of the night shift he was told he was being hired for, they gave him swings which have been very difficult on him sleep wise. But he really is making the best of it and I am so proud of him. He’s doing all he can to provide for us and is looking for a job that is closer and/or pays more! The same pay closer would be great. He really does like his job, when he’s not just sitting around waiting, when he’s actually doing what he was hired to do he enjoys it.

Kaiden is getting bigger by the minute! He’s very excited to become a big brother and has begun to help me get things together, pick up his toys, etc. He is struggling with Cody going back to work because he is a complete daddy’s boy and just adores Cody’s attention. He can also sense that all the attention isn’t going to be on him soon so we’re trying to brainstorm ways to include him in the baby’s care, help him bond with him/her, and make time to spend with just him one on one, like daddy Kaiden dates to the library and such. Hopefully we can make the transition smoother for him that way! In the meantime he’s enjoying the snow, playing with his Aunts, and getting as much attention from us as he can!

Anyway I think that’s it! I’ve already spent way too much time at the computer today and I really do need to get up and clean and organize the room. I need to do laundry today and put what we do have for the baby away. I know we aren’t completely ready but we are as ready as we can be at the moment, and I’m feeling the pressure now that the baby will be here in just 12 days! So since it’s not like we can go out and buy everything we still need I’m brainstorming outside of the box ideas to save us money, going through Kaiden’s old clothes and things so I can repurpose some, save some, and sell some, and organizing and reorganizing what we do have! I’m so very thankful for all the friends and family who have helped us with gift cards which we used to buy diapers, wipes, and toward the car seat, for my dad who gave us money that I used for a swing and rocking chair, and friends and family who have sent other gifts like the bouncy seat, clothes, burp rags, bibs, socks, etc! I feel so blessed to know so many people care about us and our children and are willing to help out so much. We really are so very blessed! We thank each and every one of you from the bottoms of our hearts for your prayers, encouragement, thoughts, support, and well wishes! I cannot wait till we are one day in a position to pay it all forward, and in the meantime I am praying for and thanking Heaven for each and every one of you who has helped us and continues to do so!

Still not giving up!

Posted: March 1, 2012 in Uncategorized

I love how waking up can make one feel much more positive! Last night I was having a really hard time once I saw what Cody’s first paycheck was going to be. There’s no way it will even pay more than one or MAYBE two of our bills. I feel like a failure because I can’t contribute at the moment. I’m doing all I can with Scentsy since there are so many consultants here in Utah and I’m trying my best but I’m not getting much in sales. I’m doing my best to save us money, I’m helping Cody search for better paying and/or closer jobs for HOURS a day, scouring the internet, updating the resumes, etc etc etc. I’m trying to find thrifty free/very cheap presents I can make for Kaiden for his birthday in April, and I’m trying to find a way to repurpouse some blankets and stuff into things I need like a nursing cover (although that really isn’t going well as I don’t know how to sew!). I’m researching breastfeeding, going to BF classes, and already in touch with lactation consultants and researching elimination diets in case of allergies. I’m being dilligent about spacing WIC to make it last and using what we have before we buy new things. I’ve even sold a lot of my maternity clothes so I’m down to the last couple dresses, two pairs of pants, and some shirts that will all be sold once I’m back in regular pants. But I still feel like I am not doing enough. I want to be contributing more to Cody’s family because we owe them SO much. I want to be saving us more money, and I want to be getting a job to help but things just are not working out, especially with me being due any day!

Then I woke up this morning. I’ve been really sick last night and this morning but what sleep I did get was very good, uninterupted sleep! And do you know what my first thought was? Things could be so much worse. They really could. I am SO greatful they are not! Life sucks but wanna know the one thing I’ve learned about it? It goes on. Things get better eventually and as long as we pray, and move our feet, (When you pray, move your feet) G-d is gonna take care of the rest. I’m thankful we have an amazing family and awesome friends, who are supportive and pray for us, think of us, and hope and wish the best for us! I am so thankful that my husband is such a good provider who is working hard to find a better job and pick up extra shifts, even though he is exausted by his normal swing shifts! I am so thankful we’re together and not homeless or separated. I’m thankful that things could be so much worse but aren’t!

I’m also thankful that we are learning from thease trials! I’m learning to think outside the box with birthday gifts, for example for Kaiden’s 3rd birthday I’m going to make him a book out of printable coloring pages, educational print outs, etc! I’m also going to get some patterns and make him some hand puppets! I’m also learning to think outside the box with other things like clothes. Instead of throwing away clothes with holes in them if they’re solid colors I am saving them for Cody to use as undershirts for work, as long as the collar part looks good! I also plan to go through our storage unit and find old clothes that no longer fit and try to repurpose them into something for the baby, rags, whatever! Why waste good fabric? And maybe my awesome Mother-In-Law or Cody’s Grandmas or someone from the ward could help me learn how to use my sewing machine and learn to sew! I’m also learning to be greatful for what we do have instead of dwelling on what we don’t have. It really has done my heart and soul good to see how much we have and how badly things could be worse. I’m using this time where we don’t have enough money and are in a frugal mindset to find ideas about things that will help us live frugaly and save money when we do get our own house, things like gardening, canning, food storage, making your own cake mix and other mixes from scratch, cooking from scratch, crock pot and frozen dinners that are cheap, orginization and cleaning tips, recipies for your own tooth paste, dishwasher soap, laundry detergent, cleaning supplies, etc! I’m trying to prepare myself to be a better homeaker, a better mother, and a better wife. I want to help us thrive and save, and being in this mindset where there isn’t always money coming in and when it is there isn’t enough is really helping me to do that. And of course pinterest is really helping me orginize it all!

So really things could be worse! I’m trying to focus on how I can use what we do have and are given in the best way and how I can help us get through this. I’m wanting to focus more on doing the little things with love. I’m trying to focus more on the positives of what we DO have and all our many blessings than what we DON’T have and all our trials. I’m trying to use this time to experiance prayer and G-d’s mercy and care and to teach my son that G-d will always take care of us if only we are faithful and do what we can.

That’s my new motto. Do what you can with what you have where you are. That’s my plan. Right now we have nothing. I don’t even know how we’re going to put gas in the tank to get Cody to work tomorrow. He has yet to get paid and won’t for a couple of weeks, but in the meantime we are paying SO much for gas JUST to get him back and forth to work. It’s so not worth it. I’m POSITIVE we are spending more in gas than he will be making. Today he had an interview at a place MUCH closer that pays almost $4 an hour more and it’s something he’s got experience in although not as much as they’d like I think. We are hoping and praying he gets that job. It would be so much better for our family! It would mean we would be able to afford gas, pay all our bills, buy diapers, etc. It may even mean getting an apartment of our own again! But that’s too big, I don’t dare dream about that yet. Right now I’m focusing on ways to bring in more money. It’s kind of hard when you’re due any day. Of course no one will hire me. I’m looking for odd jobs for either myself to do or for Cody. I’m really trying to grow my Scentsy business and get my name and contact info out there in the area but it’s not turning up any sales. I’m trying so so hard, I really am. I’m at my wit’s end tho. I can start applying for jobs once the baby is 6 to 8 weeks old of course, but it’s going to be hard-working around Cody’s swing shift because we only have one car. Idk. There are a lot of things to consider and it seems planning is pointless because life never goes according to plan, so it’s just a wait and see kind of thing. You would think Cody’s time in the Army would prepare me for that sort of hurry up and wait situation but it hasn’t. It never gets easier, not being in control, not being secure, not being on top, not knowing what is going to happen. uncertainty is kind of the worse part of everything we are going through. Not knowing the when where what how who why of things is really difficult for me. I wish I knew what all to do to help our little family get back on top, I really did. But here is what I do know:

1. It could be worse. So much worse. At least we are together.

2. I have to pray. I’ve been praying so hard and you better believe I won’t quit.

3. I have to trust that G-d is going to take care of us like he always does. I have to continue on in faith.

4. I have to keep going. We have to keep going. There is no giving up, quitting, surrendering. There is nothing like that. We can’t get through the storm if we just sit down when it starts raining, right?

5. Things will be better eventually. I sure wish I knew when eventually was. I wish I could mark it on a calendar and say “on this day, we will be over this. We will have gotten through, we will be back on top, we won’t have to be up all night worrying and panicking.” I wish I knew those sorts of things.

That’s all I know. I swear we will get through this all because we are determined to. We’re determined to eventually get back on our damn feet and take care of ourselves and our children 100%. Meanwhile I’m trying to make the best of everything and be positive. I’m so thankful for not the trials themselves that we’re being faced with, but for the lessons we are slowly but surly learning from them. We’re learning to appreciate the most basic things like seeing each other every day, being able to watch our son grow up, having a family who loves us, friends who support us, etc. We are learning the power of prayer and faith first hand. I’ll be the first to admit I am not very religious, or sure of religion, or anything like that, but I know there is a G-d. I know for a fact because there has been SO much lately that shouldn’t have worked out where we could for sure see his hand at work protecting us and providing for us. The only reason we’ve made it this far is because of Him. I hate relying on family but I don’t know what we would do without them. They don’t help us pay our bills but they sure as heck do feed us, shelter us, and give us love and support we can’t find anywhere else. We’re learning and experiencing so much and I am so glad that we are getting it out-of-the-way now! Now onto better things and better times! So yeah things suck right now. Yeah, we’re under a hell of a lot of pressure. But we will continue on. We will do what we can with what we have where we are till we can put ourselves in a better place and do more. I can’t wait till we are in a position to help others more. This has really been tough on me, accepting help, even in the simplest form. Even the smallest help has been hard because I like to rely on ourselves even when things are extremely tough. I LOVE helping and serving. I so wish I could be doing more to help others right now, to help myin-laws, to help my friends, to help strangers. I can’t wait till we are in that sort of position!

Things I want to do when we have our own place again:

Basically I want to do better, to do more, than I ever have before. I want to push myself to the limits because I’ve been without a place of our own to keep and it’s been terrible, so I want to make sure each day in our own place is amazing for my entire family and anyone who happens to come over, and of course, for me. =]

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